We want our children to have every opportunity and every chance of success possible. We have become so overprotective and giving that, without realizing it, we have taken away our kids’ power. Did you know that the increase in depression and suicide is caused by this trend of giving our kids too much? The articles and studies are shocking!
I discovered it by accident because of an issue I am going through with my 10 year old. During a discussion I had with another adult about this issue, the following question surfaced; “Is it possible to give a child too much attention?”
I was honestly shocked by the amount of articles that came up in my search. This is a common problem. Most startling is the fact that it creates attention-addiction, which then turns into behavior that resembles that of a child that does NOT get enough attention. What?!
I absolutely needed to share this with you because I know I am not alone in this experience. We drive ourselves crazy trying to make them happy, but it is actually backfiring because we are giving too much.
How can that be?
To put it simply, children need boundaries and structure. When parents cater to a child’s every demand, the child will only want more and never learn to respect the needs of others around them. This then turns into social dysfunction. Bullying has become such a big problem in schools, buses, day camps, summer camps, and every where we find groups of kids. For a long time, I wondered why bullying kept increasing.
After reading the articles and studies, it is clear that all these children are craving attention. Most of them are used to being the center of attention. When these kids find themselves in a large group where no one can give them the individual attention, they do whatever they can to get attention. Kids don’t care whether it is positive or negative attention. They only care that it is attention. Attention-addicts feel unloved and not cared for the moment no one is paying attention to them.
Finding the right balance.
We all want our kids to be happy. The key to this happiness is finding the right balance. There is no magical formula. Everyone’s needs are different. Every family is different. But I believe that remembering that, we as parents are individuals with needs as well and that taking care of our own needs is important in order to be a good parent. We achieve balance by taking care of ourselves first and foremost. There is nothing selfish about doing so. It is what I like to call “The Lifeguard Rule.” Lifeguards are taught to ensure their own safety before jumping into the water to save someone in distress.
Children need to learn to respect their parents needs and they also need to learn to play on their own, resolve their own issues. Hardships are a necessary part of life and our growth. By sheltering our children from the hardships while they are young. They do not learn the skills necessary to navigate through the hardships they will face once they become adults.
Every parent wants to give their child everything they never had and more. We want our children to be happy. We want to give them the world. The best way to do so is by giving them their power back. How? Well, it begins with teaching them boundaries, respect, and responsibility for their own actions.
After reading many articles on this subject, I sent my son’s teachers an email explaining my new strategy. I am very fortunate his teachers are wonderfully dedicated professionals. They both thanked me for sharing my findings and assured they would support the new strategy. I was pleasantly surprised to see positive results within a few days. My new strategy has already improved my relationship with my son and I hope it will help him with his relationships with his peers as well.
Please, feel free to leave your comments below. I would love to hear about your experiences. Questions or other subjects you would like me to cover in this blog are also welcome.
Love and Happiness are contagious… let them spread around the globe.
Other Articles on this Subject:
Living with Children: Too much attention is a bad thing, John Rosemond, Published 1:57 p.m. PT Dec. 15, 2015
Parents Who Love Too Much, Discover why catering to your child's every whim may teach all the wrong lessons., by Nancy Wartik
My Child Demands Too Much Attention!, Educational Pathways - Issue #8, by Nochum Kaplan
Study Finds How Students With Helicopter Parents Perform In College, Results Are Impressive, by Chris Sutton
Hello everyone, I know I skipped a week... I promise it has nothing to do with writer's block. Quite the opposite. I have so many ideas and I sometimes do not know where to start or where to stop. The post I started writing for you last week has turned into a series. This change in direction has created a little bit of a delay as I organize my ideas.
I am also working on my upcoming Your Invincible Power Workshop coming July 6, 2019. It is a day long interactive workshop that will provide you with knowledge and tools to help you unleash the power within you. I must warn you, there are only a total 20 spaces available. Hurry! Don't wait to register.
Pamela Hamilton, W.T. Hamilton (authors of Your Invincible Power books) and I look forward to sharing the secrets we have discovered regarding the Law of Attraction and how to make it work in your favor. We do recommend you read the book before attending the workshop. We have so much to teach you and we want you to get the most out of this amazing workshop we have prepared for you. So, don't wait another minute and register now!
When we think of love, we usually think about romantic love. Romantic love is great, but there is a love even greater than that. A love that will allow you to grow more, be more, and love more. Whitney Houston sang about it and when you listen to the words of her song, The Greatest Love, it makes so much sense. Sadly, few people realize that all the happiness they search for they can find within and this love of self will open you up to even greater experiences with others.
Most of us search for a happiness provided by external circumstances, but nothing - absolutely nothing - can ever make us happy unless we have the greatest love of all, the love of self.
Why does loving yourself seem so difficult?
First, we try to live up to other people’s standards. Society and Media are the two biggest culprits to our illusions of how we should act and look, of what we should acquire or possess. We get pulled in every direction as these standards change with the seasons and the trends. It is a vicious circle that can never be fulfilled as the standards are ever changing. Worst, these goals are completely superficial and can never fill the void inside.
STOP!!! Take a minute and shut all that noise out. Take a blank page and write down the things that actually make YOU happy. Leave the outside world out of this reflection. Pay no attention to what others may think.
1- What are the things that make you feel good? Remember there are no right or wrong answers. Be true and honest with yourself.
2- How can you include more of these things in your life?
Once you have answered those two questions, make a plan to start including more of the things that make you happy. If there are obstacles in the way such, as time or money - the most common ones, take a look at everything that is currently in your life and eliminate the things that do not bring you value. Some examples could be reducing the amount of time spent watching television or getting up earlier to give yourself more time. If your obstacle is money, look at all your expenses and find an area you can cut or reduce. There are many blogs and programs that can help you figure out the budget and time management aspects. One particular book I recommend to gain control over your finances is Money, Master the Game by Tony Robbins.
Why do we look to the outside world to make us happy?
We are constantly bombarded with ads trying to sell us something new. The marketing is done in such a way as to make you feel like you NEED whatever they are selling. Marketers are playing with your feelings and your self-esteem in order to get your money. It’s all part of the rat-race that companies and money hungry people are putting ahead of everything else. But the truth is that there is no amount of money or material goods that can atone you.
Living the traditional model
Then we have the pressures from society to follow a certain model. Too often we are made to feel bad if we are not following the traditional model of the “happy couple” or “happy family”. So much pressure is put upon all of us to be in a relationship or to be the “perfect” parent. Who decided what the norms are? And why would we want everyone to follow the same path? If you take a moment to think about it, it makes absolutely no sense.
Our world is so much richer from the diversity of the people that occupy this amazing planet. If we were all the same our planet would look something like Mars Needs Moms or WALL-E. I certainly would not want to live like either of those groups. In the first movie, the whole planet is run military style and all the males are rejected and in the second movie, they are living an eternal life of leisure - all-inclusive vacation style. Either may seem interesting for a short period of time, but neither is sustainable.
Is being single really that bad?
Then we have the people that are not in a relationship feeling the pressure from society. To all the single people out there, you have the greatest love. Whitney Houston said it best; “Learning to love yourself, It is the greatest love of all…” If you are single it is because you love yourself enough not to settle. You are still hopeful and looking for a great love. Respect for self is great love for self.
Let’s learn to be lovers again. Lovers of self and lovers of our partner, if we are lucky enough to have found someone with whom to share our greatest Love. Love is something we must nurture every single day.
Dream - Believe - Plan - Execute - Become - Share